Rough Waters
by FickleFriend
Summary: With an annoying, stuck up girl and a strange, mysterious man added to his crew, Jack sets of to find some form of valuable riches. But light-hearted treasure hunting is not as easy as it used to be...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I, FickleFriend, the author of this fanfiction, hereby declare that I do not gain any profit from this story and that all creative rights to the characters (with the exception of OCs) belong to their original creator(s).  
**

Accelerating footsteps and the clanging of weapons broke the usual silence of night in Port Royal. Captain Jack Sparrow had taken a large gamble with available time and with no dark alleyways or large trees in sight to hide behind, his hopes of escaping were beginning to evaporate. But his knowledge of this was firm.

The army's not-so-quiet voices and their clumsy footsteps were beginning to get louder and louder. And just when Jack thought that he would have to resort to climbing a roof or breaking into a house, he spotted something most fortunate. The silhouette of a bench and a figure holding what looked like a newspaper. Jack slowed down and did some form of a dice onto the bench while simultaneously grabbing the newspaper out of the young woman's hands.

"Don't say anything," Jack said in a low voice, gesturing to his gun, as the woman started to protest.

They both remained absolutely still as the godforsaken men in red coats rushed past. Jack took a swig of rum, which was probably equivalent to a normal person's sigh of relief, and let out a small chuckle. "Blending in never fails. Especially when dealing with fools. It works every time. Life lesson number one from yours truly."

"I'm not sure that I need life lessons from a person that's headed to prison," she replied.

"Life has to end somewhere, but mine certainly won't be ending in prison" he said.

"Well why are they after you?" she inquired.

"Nosy." he answered. The girl was obviously not satisfied.

"Well, the answer is simple enough. You are a pirate. A notorious one at best. The authorities have been searching for you for many years. Yet you always escape as you are Captain Sparrow." She droned in a haughty tone. Jack frowned. If she knew the answer, then why ask? Best to ignore annoying people. And how on Earth did she know his name?

"Ever been to the sea, love?" he asked.

The girl seemed to suddenly change her demeanour from slightly superior to... less superior.

"Uh, yes, I have. And I intend to go again once I acquire a ship."

"Is that so?" Jack asked, a grin pulling at his lips. Clearly luck was favouring him. Yes, the girl seemed irritating... And weird but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"How would you like to sail the seven seas as part of my crew?"

"Well..." the girl trailed off, but it didn't seem like she was considering anything or was uncertain.

"It's the Pearl! How could you pass that up?"

"Very well," she affirmed.

"We'll be leaving tomorrow at sunrise with or without you. Don't bring anything that is even slightly dear to you... Our crew resemble animals more than anything else..." he said more to himself as he got up and started to walk off, still mumbling about his crew who would soon receive another member.

* * *

_The next day _

Jack stayed in the shadows of the trees and scanned the dock for the young woman. Upon reflection, he realised that not knowing what she looked like was probably not the best idea; he was ready to return to The Pearl and leave the ungrateful, tardy wench, when his thoughts were interrupted by a poke on the shoulder.

"Shall we go?" the girl asked. After looking at her attire, which was average and slightly worn down, Jack frowned. It may have been extremely dimly lit last night, but he thought that he had seen her in a dress.

"Ah, you're a pirate are you, love?" he asked, looking mildly interested.

"Why, yes. I'm branded too," she said, almost excited, waving the 'P' so close to his face that he couldn't focus and went slightly cross-eyed.

"Do try to stop boggling my brain," Jack said absentmindedly as he walked to the Pearl, tracing the raised, rough skin of his own brand, the unnamed girl following him.

"Where is The Pearl, exactly?"

"Exactly? It is exactly 900 feet south west of the harbour behind the largest cliff," Jack said, focusing on staying hidden. The girl, on the other hand, acted as though she was a regular citizen and had no cause to be hiding form the soldiers, constantly walking into the direct viewpoints of them. Jack was consistently pulling her back into the shadows.

"Why not just tie it up in the harbour?" she asked.

"Why do you think? I don't want my Pearl blown up just because I didn't want to walk a bit."

"Yes, but why not arrive and leave in the dead of night? That way, no one will see you?" Jack stopped in his tracks and grabbed her wrist.

"See that?" He said, pulling her out of the shadows and gesturing to the top of the cliff.

"Security has increased sevenfold in the past few years. I would have thought that you could work that out, love."

"Why not just shoot them all?"

"Better to avoid confrontation if possible," Jack said, getting irked.

"Well then, if the security has worsened so much, why is your ship so safe?"

"It's in a blind spot. The pompous brats never learn."

"Why did you even come to Port Royal in the first place?"

"Are you taking extensive notes for a book based on why I do things? If it makes you quiet, then think that I came to rescue you from this money-saturated, stuck up, aristocratic land," Jack said, waving a dismissive hand at her as he looked passed a protruding rock face that was protecting them from the evil eye of the red-coated gun carriers. The girl muttered something like, "So rude." Which was ignored.

Past the part of the cliff that they were hiding against, there was the expanse of sand, which was then blocked by another cliff. Behind that was the Pearl.

"I hope you know how to swim, love."

"What?" she hissed, "The sea shore is right there, we could easily run across it to get to your ship!"

"Yes but unless you want to be shot, then I suggest that you swim." He nodded his head towards the soldiers patrolling the sand.

"Right... Well, off we go." Her voice shook as she said this.

"That's the spirit. Although I don't know how on earth you managed to avoid being hanged with your lack of intellect."

However, the girl didn't hear this as she was too busy looking at the blue sea with a stare of pure disgust and worry. The same sea that Jack called home.

"Besides, you would have to swim at some point, unless you can swim through a huge chunk of rock."

"Stop trying to make this better for me!" she demanded.

"I am not to blame for the fact that this situation is highly unusual. A pirate who is afraid to get their hair wet." he shook his head in dismay, "Well, at least I'll be saved from an annoying crew member. Nice knowing you, love." He silently entered the water and expertly swam underneath the sea level. It was impossible to see where he was as he didn't come up for breath.

Incidentally, when Jack reached the boat, he saw the girl not far behind him. He flashed her a smug grin and began to climb the ropes, slightly annoyed at how much sunlight they were exposed to. But they were still hidden so all was well.

Until, they reached the deck and saw an unfamiliar pair of boots... With feet in them.

Jack craned his head to see who the intruder was. He groaned.

"Barbossa."

**Let me know how I did and I hope you enjoyed,**

**Your FickleFriend**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**_

**I, FickleFriend, the author of this fanfiction, hereby declare that I do not gain any profit from this story and that al creative rights to the characters (with the exception of all OCs) belong to their original creator(s).**

"How kind of you to grace my ship with your presence. Yet it seems that because of your being an insufferable cretin, you remain painfully unaware that... Nobody likes you, Hector." Jack declared, casually strolling onto The Pearl. The girl joined the congregated crew.

"Naaaay! You be spraying me with callous untruths, Jaaack."

"You just sprayed one, yourself," Jack remarked.

"I did no such thing!"

"You did."

"Did not!"

"You did."

"Did not!"

"Did. And I have solid evidence to support my statement." Jack said smugly.

"And what be thaaat?" Barbossa enquired, leaning forward. Jack took a step back and gestured to his crew with a self assured half grin.

"This lot."

"You can't use the fact that these sons-of-biscuit-eaters are alive as evidence!" There were protests from the crew at this most derogatory insult.

"Who says?" Jack asked.

"I do!"

"And since when does your word hold any more importance in this world than a fly-being-eaten-by-a-spider's word?"

"Flies cannot talk." Barbossa said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"My point exact-"

"ENOUGH! This is not the purpose of my visit."

"Then what is?" Jack answered.

"SILENCE! While I be puttin' forth me proposal, I shall be having silence!"

Jack made a face, but nonetheless, Barbossa was met with his precious silence.

"Right, well, I say it's a proposal, but nay. That be false. Jaaack, I demand me 25% of yer plunder as we agreed."

More silence but now with confused looks.

It was Jack who spoke after a while.

"What?"

"Ye don't remember, Jaaack? Isle de Muerta?"

"I shot you." Jack said automatically at the aforementioned name; this irked Barbossa greatly.

"Yarr, but before you shot me. We made an agreement. 25% of yer plunder."

Realisation dawned on Jack's face and he then leaned over to Gibbs.

"He still thinks we're part of his 'fleet'," he whispered.

"Aye. The old turkey's finally lost it." Gibbs confirmed.

"Well, we don't have any treasure anyway," Jack pointed out.

"Nay."

"Right, then that's good news," Jack said cheerfully, he then stepped in front of his crew, who had congregated in a large semi-circle around the two eccentric pirates.

"Listen Hector, you want your 25%? I shall happily give it to you."

"Really? Well..." Barbosa started chuckling slightly, "Jaack, I ne'er expected you to give it up so easily."

Jack merely raised his eyebrow.

"So? Where is it?" Barbossa demanded.

Jack turned around and mimed lifting something off the ground. He then stepped forward and dropped the invisible something onto Barbossa's foot.

"There you go, you ugly git," Jack grinned.

"What?" said Barnossa.

"I've given it to you."

"WHAT?"

Jack pretended to look sheepish.

"Well... here's the thing, mate. You want 25% of me plunder and because of the present situation, I'll be happily doing the giving, and you will, of course, happily be doing the receiving. But what we will actually be giving and receiving is… nothing."

At Barbossa's horrified and confused expression, Jack held up a finger, "Let me explain. Due to unforeseeable, unfortunate and completely coincidental circumstances, we haven't actually gained any type of valuable material and 25% of nothing is 25 over 100 multiplied by nothing is consequently nothing. I won't be giving anything and you won't be getting anything. This way, no one is any better or worse off. See? Equality, dear Hector, savvy?"

Barbossa let out a disturbing sound which sounded like a mix between a cry of utter anguish and a savage battle call. After he calmed himself down, he turned to look at Jack and pointed a menacing finger. He then began to walk in a stealthy, dramatic manner, using the semi circle of the less-than-loyal crew as some form of greek amphitheater to quench his thirst for theatrics. Barbossa had always been a melodramatic pirate.

"Now, Jaack, I expect to get something very soon and if I don't…" Barbossa started to shake his fist.

"Yes, yes, you will, you bloody stalker." Jack said irritably.

Barossa eyed the girl, "What's yer name, lass?" he asked. Jack's ears perked at this, as he realised that he didn't know. Not that it was important, he was going to call her Ann or something.

"Who wants to know?" she asked suspiciously, even though the answer was obvious.

"I DO!"

"Why?"

"Why not?" They continued bickering like children while Jack sighed.

"Fine!" the girl screamed. "It's Tessa Rose"

"Tessa Rose?" Barbossa spat, "That's not a name for a pirate!" Jack couldn't help but agree. Putting the 'Rose' on the end just made it sound like a name for a fairy. Or some form of plant…

"I'm sorry but you can't talk, Hector," Tessa Rose said.

"Aye, I believe I caaan," he countered.

"Alright, well Hector it was lovely to have you on my Pearl but we no longer and never have required of your… unique services. So I think me crew and I would all appreciate if you shove off," Jack said, trying to push him off the Pearl. He kept on pushing him but he would not shift. After long and hard ramming and straining, Jack gave up. "That's it! I declare this… man, I suppose I have to call him a man, but he could quite easily be mistaken as rabid bear. Anyway! I declare this man unmovable," he said to the crew. Barbossa just stood there rolling his eyes. What was he, some sort of girl? "WILL YOU SHIFT YOUR BLOODY ARSE?" Jack shouted, getting fed up of his presence.

"I will be leaving as soon as I have yer word that you will be givin' me what I deserve. After all, yer under my commaaand now," Barbossa said.

"Yes, yes, you have my word now go on... Off!" Jack demanded, making a 'shoo'ing motion with his hands.

"Very well. I be expecting jewels and gold and riches of the highest value!" He cried and laughed manically. "Apple?" He asked holding up that same green apple he always held.

Jack shook his head as Barbossa left the ship. When he was quite a while away (and out of shooting range) Jack called to him, "Oi! Mate, I'm sorry, but I shot you. You died. Generally, when someone dies, a deal can no longer be active. And don't forget, I died too! So, no deal. I did enjoy your company, so don't hesitate to drop by any time!" He laughed internally when he saw Hector's face screwed up and turned a deep beetroot colour. He started cursing and firing his gun at Jack but he failed… miserably. He was so angry that you could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

Once Jack's ship was back in order, safe from any dramatic pirates and arrogant King-loving-soldier brats, he walked to the wheel and took hold of it, steering them far away from Port Royal. The pirate population was steady and hopefully - to the Bretheren Court - would soon begin to increase again. This fact remained unknown to the jurisdiction at Port Royal and other places with Governors and Lords and Kings that make it their business to rid the world of the lowest of people: pirates. Even though places like Port Royal had drastically increased their armed forces, it was wasted on trying to find the inescapable Captain Jack Sparrow, instead of the now robust pirate population. They thought that Jack was the only real pirate threat, and after he was killed, the world would be pirate-free. "Hallelujah(!)" Jack thought bitterly. At least they remained painfully unaware of that bothersome group of overly-enthusiastic goody goody group of pirates called Pirate Saviour

"Pirate Saviour" Jack chuckled to himself at the sheer stupidity of it all.

"What are you laughing at, Captain" Tessa came out of nowhere, making Jack jump.

"Argh! Oh, it's you." Jack said, relieved.

"Well, what's so funny?" she pestered.

"Pirate Saviour," Jack repeated chuckling again.

"What is so funny about those words?"

Jack sighed at her badgering. "Pirate Saviour is an organisation set up by some very pillagerarian pirates."

"'Pillagerarian' is not a word" Tessa pointed out derisively. Jack sighed again and rolled his eyes.

"You find a word for someone who is deeply in love with the idea of preserving all pirates forever. Go on, try it." Jack challenged.

"No, I can't. Anyway, what is so funny about Pirate Saviour?"

"Pirate Saviour is an acronym for: 'Pirate Inoculation Regime Against The Egotistical Soldiery and Vandals In Order to Unite our Race'"

"I'm sorry?"

"'Pirate Inoculation Regime Against The Egotistical Soldiery and Vandals In Order to Unite our Race', I'm having to repeat myself far too much with you, love."

"Hardly any of that makes sense. Inoculation is to produce immunity against a disease. They have added words in that don't fit with the acronym. And I'm sure that 'vandals' would be a better way to describe pirates than the military."

"Yes, well it's clear that they made the acronym before the actual company name."

"And this organisation is to help get the Pirate … race back on track?"

"Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't heard of it, love. They try to target as many pirates as possible. They even have little badges and obnoxious leaflets that they hand out."

"Well, I'm never in any one place for very long…" she trailed off. Jack eyed her.

"What's your last name? Any relatives that I may know of? Who are your parents?"

"I thought I asked the questions," she replied in a self-congratulatory manner.

"I think you've burdened me with enough questions to drive me insane. You owe me, darling. So… answer away. Last name?"

"Mast." Jack's face screwed up at this.

"Mast? Are you sure that's a real name?" He asked.

"Yes. It is my name, after all."

"Who are your parents?"

"My mother and father."

Jack smirked slightly, "don't try and be smart with me, love."

"Bill and Anne Mast. We lived in Kingston." Jack grinned at this.

"Ah, Kingston. They had lots of treasure… and brothels." Tessa looked outraged at this.

"Well I knew of very few when I was there!" she said and left off in a huff.

Not 5 minutes passed for Jack to be left in peace.

"Cap'n!" Gibbs called even though he was standing right next to Jack.

"Yes, Gibbs?" Jack asked tiredly.

"Do we have a headin', Cap'n?" Jack dramatically rolled his head to Gibbs.

"No, we do not, Gibbs. We are heading to Tortuga." Jack emphasised.

"Why be that, Jack?"

"We have a rather forlorn lack of crew members, as you know." Jack said, nodding to the crew which consisted of around eight or nine people.

"Aye, it's just that the crew is gettin' a bit deprived of endangermen' and mystery. Remember the days?" Gibbs asked.

"Aye but never fear. I have something in mind." Jack said determinedly. Gibbs left Jack, knowing that it was best to leave him be.

**A/N Let me know what you think in a review, please. Sorry if most of this is dialogue, but it will take a couple of chapters for the plot to evolve and for the story to get on its tracks. Thank you so much for reading,**

**Your FickleFriend. **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**_

**I, FickleFriend, the author of this fanfiction, hereby declare that I do not gain any profit from this story and that all creative rights to the characters (with the exception of all OCs) belong to their original creator(s).**

_In Tortuga_

As the Pearl was being tied to the dock in Tortuga, Jack addressed the crew.

"Now, listen. I want you to bring me back 5 crates of rum. Each crate should have 20 bottles. That's 5 crates of rum _per person._ Mr. Gibbs and I shall be finding your new crew members. By all means, drink yourself silly, but we'll be leaving tomorrow so don't expect us to wait."

The crew stared at him for a few minutes.

"Go on, shoo!" He said, waving his arms in a 'shooing motion'.

Once they had scattered off in their own directions, on their quest to gather rum and hopefully some food as well, Jack called to Gibbs who had been tying the Pearl to a post.

"Gibbs,"

"Aye, cap'n."

"I believe we must address the nature of this new crew member."

"Aye, cap'n."

"He needs to cook."

"Isn't that what Miss Rose Vine is here for?"

"To be honest, Gibbs, I don't know what she's here for. When we get going, she'll be working as hard as the rest of the crew, make no mistake."

"So if he can cook, and preferably a strong lad too, aye?"

"Aye. I don't think I can handle another superior… girl."

"Do we want just the one or more?"

"Depends, you see, if the kid is strong and well, then one should be enough, but if he's a weakling, then I would say two or three." Jack said.

"Aye, but people know of your… expeditions, Cap'n and-"

"Exactly," Jack interrupted, "People will be queuing up just for an opportunity to sail with Captain Jack Sparrow. The Captain Jack Sparrow." Although Gibbs was about to protest that this was most likely the opposite of what would happen, he surrendered.

"Aye, Cap'n"

"What are you doing?" Jack asked Tessa who had begun walking with him and Gibbs off the ship.

"Sorry?"

"a-What are you doing?" He repeated.

"I am afraid I don't quite follow."

"Why are you not getting rum? And food?"

"Surely, Captain, that did not apply to me."

"But it did."

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?" he asked incredulously.

"I mean it is not the job of a lady-"

"Sorry, love but that word has no meaning, now," he said stepping off the plank of wood leading from the Pearl to the dock of Tortuga, "I am not sure whether you think pirating is sitting in a Parlour room, eating sandwiches and then sneaking one of your cousin Gertrude's plate while she was putting sugar in her afternoon tea, but no one else does." He then gave her a long, calculating look. "Are you even a pirate?"

"How rude! Of course I am. Just because I have manners, clean hair, no dirt under my nails and fresh breath, doesn't mean that I do not pillage and the like. I am just polite and courteous," she said proudly.

"Could have fooled me," Jack shrugged and then turned to Tortuga, a taste of sweetness compared to the rest of the bitter world. He then squinted his eyes as he spotted a most unusual sight.

Standing at the edge of Tortuga's land, staring out to sea, the water not quite touching his feet was a young man. It was quite a humorous sight, a pale boy dressed entirely in black, a stoic expression on his face. His cloak-coat ... thing was flapping in the wind and his unblinking eyes never left the horizon. And what an amusing contrast he created compared to the gregarious, rambunctious and permanently drunk town of Tortuga. Of course, Jack, who was strange himself, was intrigued by his fellow strange person.

"Uh.. Hello." Jack said, waving his hand in front of his face. Strange Man did not move a muscle.

"Answer me, Strange Man," Jack commanded. Very slowly, Strange Man rotated his head to face Jack. He had a young face that was spoilt with deep frown lines.

"Hullo," he said gravely as though he were declaring war or professing a great imminent evil.

"Hullo!" replied Jack, feeling strange saying 'hullo'. After all, no one says 'hullo'.

Strange Man turned away.

"Strange Man?" said Jack, feeling worried as the strange man was acting strangely. He turned the other way and tilted his head back to the face the sun, outstretching his arms. A strange expression appeared on his face, somewhere between a manic grin and a grimace. Naturally, Jack walked away, slightly disturbed. He then stopped and walked back. You see, as much as strange things disturbed him, he was always drawn to things of a queer nature.

"Would you like to join me on the Black Pearl?" he asked, pointing to his mighty ship.

"No," Strange Man replied, rather too quickly. Jack frowned.

"No?" asked a shocked Jack.

"Yes."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Certain," Strange man replied, returning to his former position. The wind still blowing his dratted cape thing.

"Hmm...queer..."

Strange Man ignored Jack.

"You'd be losing out, y'know," Jack said. No reply. "Fine. I never wanted you on my Pearl, anyway." Still no reply. "So there!"

Jack walked off.

In a bad mood now, Jack yelled at his crew to get back on the ship.

"But we was lookin' forward to havin' some fun!" they moaned.

"Good. Now you know how I feel."

"My fellow pirates, quiet. Listen to the Sparrow. If anything he saved us from those odd looking people over there," Tessa said, pointing to a group of uniformed men. The uniformed men seemed to be running towards Jack's crew. And everyone else in Tortuga seemed to have disappeared...

"Run!" yelled Jack. Of course, how could he have not realised? The security of the so-called King had now been raised.

"Run!" Jack repeated again and again.

They ran towards the ship, Jack at the back and Tessa skipping at the front. Jack stopped in his tracks and pointed to Strange Man.

"It's Jack Sparrow! Over there!" Jack yelled to the security weirdos. Like the red-faced fat heads they were, they believed him and charged towards Strange Man. Jack ran towards his Pearl without a backward glance, chuckling evilly.

"Do we have a heading, Jack?" asked Gibbs.

"Away from here," Jack replied hastily. As he was walking towards his bottle of rum, pleased with himself, he noticed a rather large shadow beside his own. Jack turned around and looked up.

"Oh, not you again, Strange Man," Jack groaned

"The name's Percillian Fyoon Errol Dahc. _Lord_ Percillian Fyoon Errol Dahc."

**Sorry it's shorter than usual, but I hoped you liked my second OC. You'll be seeing a lot more of him. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading,**

**Your FickleFriend**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**_

**I, FickleFriend, the author of this fanfiction, hereby declare that I do not gain any profit from this story and that all creative rights to the characters (with the exception of all OCs) belong to their original creator(s).**

"You may call me Percillian Fyoon Errol Dahc. _Lord_ Percillian Fyoon Errol Dahc."

Jack stared at the young man for a while. His hair (like his clothes) was black. His eyes were also black. Not even 'so-dark-brown-they-almost-look-black sort of black'. Just black. There was only one explanation. _He must be a demon_. Although, he didn't really look demonic…

"I think I'd rather not," Jack stated. Percillian's eyes widened maliciously and his thin lips clamped together to form an even thinner line. After a few moments, his expression relaxed.

"So be it. I intend to join your crew."

"Oh really? I thought you didn't want to," Jack said childishly.

"But I must."

"Why?"

"It is necessary."

"Okay."

Percillian's lips curled into a sinister smile, "Excellent," he drawled.

And with a flap of his long black coat, he walked away.

"I need some rum," Jack thought, traumatised by Strange Man's strangeness.

He headed down below deck, glad that he would now have at least one hundred and twenty bottles of rum. As he turned a corner, he heard hushed voices and whispering. Jack frowned. By Hercules, he would _not_ stand for another mutiny.

He leaned against one of the creaky doors where the voices were loudest. They were uneasy to decipher and all that he understood from the conversation was the word 'food'. Who were these people? Jack was certain that all the crew, save for Strange Man, were on deck. He pushed open the door, walked in and saw roughly ten men sitting around a table, drinking and playing board games.

"Who are you?" questioned Jack suspiciously. The men leaped off their chairs and scurried around, trying to hide behind the fattest of them. (failing miserably, of course but the fat man did hide two of them with ease.) They all wore sheepish expressions on their face.

"You don't have the rum, do you?" Jack asked, walking past them to inspect the old shelves that used to store the crew's items. Usually rum.

The out-of-place men just shook their heads and stood together in their clump, shuffling constantly. As Jack walked around them, searching for the rum, they moved around, trying not to be the one at the front.

"No, I don't think there's any here. Damn Gibbs. Always drinking, the filthy drunk. Fancy leather bottle. Always empty anyway. Why? Because he drunk it all! Honestly-Hey!" Jack stopped his rambling at a short man with a familiar goatee who had sarcastically muttered that "you can talk".

"I know you!" Jack exclaimed, "You're the short man! The unnaturally short man. Why are you here and not there?" he asked, gesturing to the ceiling.

"I didn't realise you wanted me dead." the short man said.

"What?" Jack said, confused, "You need to lay of the rum, mate."

He then reached out and snatched the rum out of the small man's hands, who said,

"But at least you didn't say down there, which would be Hell..."

"What?"

"I'll go up there, as you command..." the little man said, sighing, as he took out his knife and pressed it to his heart. "But no guarantees that I'll end up up there, in Heaven..."

Then realisation dawned on his face. "If I give you me 'at, there'll be no 'ell! Just Heaven!" he said, taking his hat off.

Jack rolled his eyes, "I mean on deck. Up there. I know all of you," he continued in a know-it-all sort of way, "You were my crew not long ago. So you thought you could just take a free ride in a fancy carriage, hm? Not doing any work?"

The men reeled in guilt.

"Drinking my rum?" Jack bellowed. "Ah!" he said as he found one of the rum cupboards and flittered towards it, waving his hands about.

"At least you haven't touched the rum that the good men have brought. Get up there and scrub, you _naughty_ children."

"Aye, cap'n," they all grumbled like disappointed school children. This was one of the truly wonderful things about being a captain.

Jack followed them all up and then called for everyone's attention.

"I have something very exciting to tell you,"

The crew groaned. Some cried in anguish. Some declared that they would be rich if they had a penny every time Jack lied.

"Save me, Lord! Save me from this fabricated devilry! His manipulation is surely the epitome of evil deeds! DELIVER US FROM THIS HELLISH ERA!"

The whole crew fell silent and stared at the obese member that had hid few of them earlier. His name was Bob Sheruncle. He was religious. Minutes, hours, days and weeks passed while the crew stood in silence, observing this peculiar, large fellow.

"Right, well if we're lucky, his praying shall stop us from running into any trouble," Jack said hopefully.

"Are ye goin t'tell us where we be sailin' te? Is now the Chosen Hour of Revealin'?"

Gibbs asked gravely.

"Well I for one hope that we will be going somewhere. I can't stand sailing without a purpose," Tessa said snottily.

"Yes to Gibbs and shut up to Tessa."

"How rude!" Tessa gasped.

"Will you not just tell us to where we will be going?" droned Percillian, who had mysteriously appeared.

"We are going to find some sort of treasure - a sword, specifically. A sword so deadly that they say no other sword can beat it. The NonBeatable Sword as it is called in legend."

"You just made that up." pointed out Tessa condescendingly. She was right, for once. Jack had no idea of what nature this treasure was, but experience told him that if the crew knew what they were looking for and where they were going, the cooperated better. You see, Jack was hitting his mid-life pirate crisis and he desperately wanted to go anywhere other than Tortuga. He wouldn't admit it but he missed the whelp and his strumpet, because danger always seemed to follow them. As well as boo-hoo sob stories about a bride being thrown in jail and something about righteous, heroics to restore someone's father's life. It was all a bit ridiculous and foolish but at least he got some interesting experiences.

"No, I didn't. It's Swordus Foreverus in Latin. Look it up. Go on. Do your research. Now. Do it. Now."

Tessa looked startled and quietened down.

"Yes so, I don't really know where it is but there is a clue to where a map could be to find it. Problem is I don't really know if the clue is the clue so..."

"Why not use your compass, Jack?" Gibbs asked

"Because."

"Okay, so just to be clear, we are finding a clue to find a map to find a sword?"

"Yes. We have the clue... Perhaps"

"I see," said Percillian. "So you mean to say that the map shall be found with a clue, and once we find the clue we will find the map, the map to the sword?"

Jack frowned and paused. "Stop confusing things even further, Strange Man."

"You needn't call me Strange Man any longer, I have revealed to you my name."

"So you're saying that telling me your name makes you no longer strange and no longer a man?"

"No."

"Then shut up and stop confusing my crew."

"We aren't confused, Jack," said Gibbs.

"You sir, are a mongrel ,"replied Jack. Gibbs raised his hand menacingly, with a murderous expression on his face as if to slap Jack, but then just shrugged and made a face as it to say 'fair enough'.

"So, we be findin' some treasure? What be in it for us?" At this most atrociously selfish question, Jack rolled his eyes.

"Listen, these historical people don't just hide treasure without surrounding the item with extravagant riches. They want every part of the pirating crew of thieves to get an equal share, savvy?"

"Aye, cap'n!"

"So...what be our clue?" asked Gibbs. Jack handed some parchment to Gibbs.

"Tell the crew where we're heading," Jack ordered. Gibbs unrolled the parchment dramatically, and once it was unrolled he cried out in shock.

The crew waited patiently for him to stop making faces of shock and ecstasy. When he'd finally finished, he yelled, "Phantom waters, that be our path!"

Jack looked confused and snatched the parchment from Gibbs. He too let out a shout. Then he paused, sighed, rolled his eyes and turned the map upside down.

"No, Gibbs, _that_ is our path!" he said. Gibbs looked at it and sighed.

"Aye, I see it now," he said dejectedly. "But how d'ye know that it isn't-" Gibbs took the parchment and turned it upside down again, and let out another shout, "that!"

"Because, if it was that, then THAT-" Jack said, pointing to a spot on the parchment, "would be THERE."

"ARGH, just tell us where we be headin' to!" said the fat man. Gibbs and Jack ignored him and continued debating over which way the parchment was meant to be.

"This way, Jack!"

"No, Gibbs! This way!" And it went on and on until Pintel walked over, slowly removed the parchment from Jack's hand (Jack was busy telling Gibbs how rude he was) and crept away into a corner with it, chuckling idiotically.

"Now, I can figure out where we-" he said.

"You are not intelligent enough to work that out," thundered an utterly satanic voice. Pintel didn't dare look back as his eyes were fixed upon the ground, which was becoming dark with the huge shadow looming over him.

**Sorry it's been such a long time. My life just descended into a cruel and viscous spiral of sleeping and sleeping only. Leave a review, if you wouldn't mind. Thank you for reading!**

**Your FickleFriend**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**_

**I, FickleFriend, the author of this fanfiction, hereby declare that I do not gain any profit from this story and that all creative rights to the characters (with the exception of all OCs) belong to their original creator(s).**

Since the horrific shadow event, which was a secret kept close to Pintel's vest, nothing of an unusual nature occurred on the Pearl. A whole day of normality was greatly cherished by Jack and his crew. They were making fair progress and had roughly another day's worth of traveling until they reached this island where the cryptic clue was leading them.

Meanwhile, Tessa Mast lurked sulkily in the ship's dingy kitchen, having been coerced by the rude pirates and their ridiculous captain. She looked round her new work station, disgusted with what she saw. Chipped plates with no hope of getting out the yellowish stains. The pots had hideous amounts of grease and dark greenish grime on them. There were no windows and the kitchen was only small, so presumably it got rather sweltering. The floorboards had numerous splotches of goodness knows what and she thanked the heavens that she had boots on.

The main cooking pot had firewood underneath it where she would have to light it. Curious as to what cooking supplies she would have to work with, she opened some cupboards.

In the first, there were the remaining plates and bowls that weren't scattered around. They looked much more unused but still had cracks in them. In the second, there were a few bent spoons and thankfully, an apron that was mostly in good condition, probably because it had never been touched before.

The third and fourth cupboards were larger and contained the food that the crew had somehow obtained from Tortuga. There were a good range of vegetables and meat. And some unusually thoughtful pirate had brought some herbs and spices. Tessa turned around and for the first time and looked at the worktop where the food would be prepared. Her mouth dropped comically open in horror. The surface was uneven and once again saturated in grease and grime. She caught sight of a couple of cockroaches scuttling around.

There was no way that any food could be prepared here without it containing life-threatening diseases.

"JACK SPARROW!" Tessa screamed as she stormed up to the wheel.

"You're missing a Captain," Jack corrected.

Tessa frowned with confusion but continued with her concern, "Have you ever thought of the welfare of yourself and your crew?" she demanded.

"Yes, I've thought of it."

"Have you SEEN that HORRENDOUS kitchen?"

"No. I myself am happy with my rum."

"You don't eat?"

"Not really," he replied nonchalantly.

Tessa eyed him suspiciously.

"Are you even human?"

"Yes!" he said, looking affronted, "One simply gets accustomed to a lifestyle of rum."

He then began to hum and sing.

(to be sung in the tune of the first verse of 'Messing About in Boats - Wind in the Willows')

"_Drinking a bottle of rum,_

_You'll never again be glum._

_Making the very most of our excursion._

_Passing your life away._

_Keeping the snobs at bay._

_Or getting drunk 'cause you were tricked by a blonde fool._

_Drinking so you don't hear_

_The whelp whining in your ear._

_Crying because his bride's in mortal danger._

_The Kraken will eat you soon,_

_Then you shall meet your doom._

_Beware of blonde fools who will trick you and kill you._

_Getting a red head drunk - "_

"SPARROW!" Tessa shouted, cutting off his wonderful song.

"You cut off my wonderful song," he accused. Tessa huffed her signature huff and stomped off.

"Annoying girl," Jack muttered.

Throwing the door open, Tessa thundered into the kitchen. She grabbed a relatively clean cloth and placed it over a stool. She then dusted it with her hand and sat on it.

"Salutations," sneered a voice. Tessa let out a screech and jumped.

"Oh, it's you, Percillian," she acknowledged, dusting off imaginary dirt from her dress.

"Yes. I wish to aid you in your quest to prepare food for these thieving scoundrels."

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because I must," he replied monotonously.

"Very well. You may help me prepare dinner," she said, looking down her nose at him. It was surprising she was able to do this as she was so short compared to him. Percillian's head reached the candle chandelier whereas Tessa was probably up to his mid arm. They glared at each other for a few moments until Tessa started to smirk at his flapping cape.

"What will we be preparing?" he asked.

"I was thinking some of this meat cooked in a sauce with some vegetables."

"What would you like me to do?"

Tessa thought for a moment. She had only cooked twice in her twenty-one years of life and Percillian didn't look very daunted at all.

"I'll start on the vegetables. You can do the rest," she commanded.

"Dictatorial, are you not? Although, it's probably for the best. I daresay you'll just about manage with chopping."

"How dare you! I'll tell you right now, Lord Dahc," she mocked hysterically, "if you are persistent in insulting me, then I shall demand that you leave this instant!"

Percillian gave a mysterious smile and got out the meat and some herbs. They began chopping in silence, which was enjoyable for Percillian as he couldn't stand the girl's constant yapping and complaining in his sensitive ears. Tessa, however, found it a little awkward and tried to start a (hopefully intelligent) conversation.

"Why do you have such a peculiar name?" she questioned in an interrogatory manner. Percillian didn't turn around, continuing with whatever he was doing,

"Are you questioning my heritage?" he answered back.

Tessa looked insulted, and her mouth hung slightly open. She snapped it back shut and retorted haughtily,

"Well if you're going to act towards me in such a way, I shan't talk to you. Why should anyone give such an anomalous man the time of day?"

Percillian gave an enigmatic chuckle, mentally noting her as someone he never wanted to speak with again. And perhaps if they weren't on opposite sides of the small, humid kitchen, he would have noticed Tessa glaring and furiously chopping up vegetables (with difficulty). She'd forgotten how hard it was to cook and was sure this meal would turn out a disaster.

Meanwhile, Jack was singing again while drinking his rum, glad that the Tessa girl was busy cooking and would no longer be able to disturb him.

_Making the most of life, Happy without a wife..._

Yet again, he was interrupted, this time with an ear-piercing scream followed by an evil chuckle. It sounded slightly like an innocent girl with an annoying scream was being tortured by a sadistic and satanic man with a cape. Just a guess. Jack got up to see if he had guessed correctly.

In the kitchen, Tessa Rose was clutching her hand while Percillian was holding a vegetable-chopping knife. Jack entered and took in his surroundings.

"I heard an ear-piercing scream followed by an evil chuckle. It sounded slightly like an innocent girl with an annoying scream being tortured by a sadistic and satanic man with a cape. Were my ears playing tricks on me?" he asked. Tessa shook her head and looked at Percillian, accusingly.

"I believe that your ears were indeed playing tricks on you. Dear Tessa here was telling me how wonderfully she had chopped her vegetables, not focusing on the small task and therefore slicing her finger with the knife," said Percillian. Tessa looked outraged, staring at Jack as if to say, "Do you really believe him!?"

Jack looked at Tessa's finger and saw a small cut. He wasn't sure what to believe. Percillian was holding a knife... He decided to make his mind up later, and for now he'd go back to drinking his rum, giving Percillian a warning look and Tessa a "you're delusional" look, thus confusing the two of them and making them wonder which story he believed.

When Jack left the two strange people staring at each other, he was going to go back to singing his song but decided not to when he saw half of the crew huddled together on the floor, not doing any work. How dare they. He approached them while they were laughing and drinking and stood there until they acknowledged his presence. When they finally did, Jack asked them what on earth they were doing. "We 'ad nothing to do," was their reply. Jack just stood there until they told him what they were really doing.

"Fine! We were plannin' a civil war!" one of them finally blurted was a moment when they all just stared at each other, waiting for Jack's reaction. "The other lot are leavin' us out. They were talkin' about all the adventures they did withou' us and we reckoned that they were tryin' t' show off, and we wasn't 'appy, so we declare war on 'em!" another one explained. The others nodded in agreement.

"No," said Jack bluntly, deciding that to punish them for even suggesting to ruin the peace of his ship would be too much effort, and he walked back to his spot and drank his rum.

Back in the kitchen, Percy had almost finished preparing the glorious dinner. He snatched the bowl of 'chopped' (Tessa had used other techniques when chopping had failed) vegetables and poured them into the main dish.

"Spiffing," he drawled, and was about to pick up the tray when Tessa took it off him, saying that she wanted to present it to the crew. Percillian agreed and Tessa strode out of the kitchen with it, smiling proudly. Percillian really didn't know why she was smiling proudly.

"Fellow pirates, behold! My gift to you!" yelled Tessa, holding it up. Everyone turned to look at her. "Percillian, since you have been of no help at all, the least you can do is serve it to these starving men." Percillian didn't bother protesting.

Once it was served, the first to dig in was the fat man. He made an appreciative roar of delight and gobbled it all up. This was a good sign for the rest of them, so they all began to eat, each letting out roars of delight. Jack, let out a roar of delight, as well, but he wasn't even eating. He was still in the same spot, but now had a new bottle of rum. The rum deserved a roar of delight, too.

"Jack, why don't you come and try the food I've prepared all by myself?" said Tessa. Percillian looked at her with disgust. Jack shook his head, clearly enjoying his rum too much to try "Tessa's" dish.

**A/N So this was a bit of a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! Someone asked me about their ages. Percillian is 20ish and Tessa is 23ish. Thanks for reading.**

**Your FickleFriend.**


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